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The Good Rumor Man - Andrysiak to Un-Retire Possibly

By Sloan Barber
AP Correspondent

Chicago, IL

They say you can’t keep a good man down, or for that matter out of baseball too long without that sudden urge to swing the lumber again. In a surprise move announced by Deans Foods today, they have given Ted Andrysiak the permission to negotiate with the Evergreen Park Diamondbacks on the premise that Ted has stated that he may come out of retirement. When asked why he felt the need to get back into the game, Ted responded – “I was getting a little stale and needed that adrenaline rush again, I thought I could satisfy it by trying out for the Dean’s ‘True Moo’ Milkman but after falling short in the final round of auditions I thought maybe baseball would bring back that hunger for competition”. When asked what he could accomplish by making a comeback, Ted said “I figured if I could lead the team in batting average once again like the one season I did, maybe it could lead to further propositions”. Upon hearing this Deans Foods has contemplated releasing a new ice cream flavor called Andrysi -YAK. A spinoff of their popular ‘Moose Tracks’ stable , with ingredients still in the works. Due to the nature of negotiations the terms of Ted’s contract have not been disclosed yet.